I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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