conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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