i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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