Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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