it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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