I accidentally burped into my bong.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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