i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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