This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
