In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just threw up on my dentist
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
