i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
