I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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