Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
bring money and cleavage
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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