I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
