I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
