They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
