Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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