she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
