At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
