in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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