put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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