I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
