A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
