He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
