Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I puked a lego.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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