Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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