Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
