I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
