Where did you get a picture of my penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
