he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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