Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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