the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
