We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
