Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so explain again why im purple
no
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
