did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
