I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This house was built for laser tag.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
