my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
