can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
