What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
