we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
