Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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