I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
