Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
