you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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