I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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