Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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