I need help removing her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
