Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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