Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ambien. No doubt about it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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