I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
