The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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