I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
how does that bad decision feel?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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