I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
