K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
