just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
