Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
