My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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