Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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