I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
