dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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