Do you still have your period?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
