my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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