dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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