Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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