Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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